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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Talent or skill? Or merely perception?

Was talking to my mentor about some disatisfaction about pay differences. So he commented "oh, if its between you and her, she is better than you". Oh well thank you. You spoiled my entire Monday evening. 

But suddenly I was inspired, despite feeling very demoralized. I feel that I can be the top if I want to. Not what he said about me being the less capable one. It still does hurt when you heard it from someone that you are less capable. But I have grew up old enough to understand that I can choose not to listen to him and continue to believe in myself. 

Now that I am nurturing my kid(s), I also wonder why do I even think that I can achieve the unachievables? I have never believe I am not talented in anyway, I only choose not to work for it. 

And happened to read this article: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5826816

It's also how my parents inculcate such values in us - to teach us to work for what we want. 

I will impart this to my daughter(s) too! Teach them how to fish and not give them give. Tell them if they want to, they can even find a Dolphin when they fish!


Thursday, September 25, 2014

Married a task oriented person

We had a big fight over minor things. It gotten so escalated nowadays (plus pregnancy hormones raving) i bluntly told my hub: "if you ain't happy at all, I will prepare the divorce letter". Sorry we are passed that honeymoon period long ago!

And I really give up communicating my ideas to him. Yet the reality is we won't divorce. I will recalibrate myself while he totally forgotten about everything and life moves on. It sucks, really. Because the same thing will then repeat like a vicious cycle.

Suddenly "lightbulb". To recalibrate myself, I need to understand him more. It does sound quite fml because why can't he do the same. The truth is he will never because he is more task-oriented. So I tried to google for something like that. This is the closest I found: http://recoveringengineer.com/disc-model/better-relationship-tips-for-task-oriented-people-redefine-your-task/ more from his perspective. 

There are times I am still very confused about him eg: are marriage and having kids just tasks off his checklist?

I was very puzzled for the longest time. Before wedding, I told him to think carefully if he just need a wedding or he wanna marry me. That's the biggest difference because if he just need a wedding, he can find any woman to do so. In the end we went ahead. But on the day of marriage, I saw sparkles in his eyes with affirmation. That's when I confirmed he wanna marry me. Oh well, have to remind myself again.

Down the route of marriage, I found myself confused again and again because of his task-oriented trait and I hardly see that sparks in his eyes again.

During 2nd pregnancy (which is now), I feel confused again because I don't even know if he just want kids or having this noble idea of procreation. Even with no 1, he completes tasks with her. But I have to remind myself about the times they spent together playing lego. That's when I really confirmed his happiness with arielle. Other times are just task oriented.

So to manage the relationship, I am listing the tips to keep myself sane:

1. Just keep believing that you are the one
It's like so thick skinned but that's the only way to keep yourself going. 

2. Don't expect him to remember tasks
The frustration comes when you have to keep reminding him to do certain tasks ALTHOUGH he is task-oriented. Task oriented doesn't mean he has a checklist in his mind. This could be a man's thing though.

3. Give him tasks and ignore his whines
This could be another man's thing but just don't take it to heart. Woman usually read into it and start bitching.

eath*

4. Treat his comments like tasks
We were bitching about men in front of 2 husbands and one of them said quarreling is a discussion not argument. But to us woman, its a quarrel! 

3 & 4 are connected. Very small example is turning on the aircon daily. He sees that as a task but I am so frustrated because I feel so cold every night. Being a woman and more people-oriented, I suck it up and don't speak about it. To me that's demonstrating love and respect for him. But I also silently feel damn pissed off because he don't think from my shoes! But to him he will say "if you are cold just turn it off". If things can be so easy, mister *take a deep br

So to woman who is seeking for a sane mind, here you go. Pls don't get too upset. My tears is dried. And I typed my piece so that my husband can read it tomorrow. 

As I typed, my husband is snoring in his sleep for the last 45 mins. I can't understand at all, how can he sleep so peacefully! Wtf! So I read what I wrote again. 

To my husband, you may think it's a minor thing but to me this is huge. There will come a day I can't recalibrate my mind and decide to give up. Same for you, you may give up hearing my shouting and argument of which you find them uncalled for. That's when people give up and divorced. 

While I do my part to recalibrate myself again and again, I hope you spend time to understand me, my personally and the situation we are in. Instead of shutting down and say "okay I won't comment anymore" because that's not solving our problems. 

Sunday, August 31, 2014

New resolution!

I am a terrible mum and I suddenly self-reflected... erm... after 17.5 months. oops. it's kinda late but I guess the maternity instincts always rave during pregnancy. So I am looking for tons of ideas for the kids - we have a couple now and it kinda make sense to start making toys. maybe next week when the 8 year old comes to my house during her school holidays, I will get her to help too! A couple of things we can do: - Sensory and bean bags with alphabets, numbers, shapes - Busy/quiet boxes filled with toys - Road trip bags My girl is terrible when it comes with car seat. Either she struggled or I will gave her iphone/ipad to keep her entertained. I am feeling so exhausted now to fight with her to keep her in. Craft materials: - Cotton bud sticks and cotton balls (just nice, we bought plenty and don't know what to do with it) - Cardboards (we had some from purchasing boxes of diapers and it's a pity to dump them away!) - Balloons - saw the play doh balloon and hoping no one throw away the balloon Arielle just bought! - Oats, flour, rice, beans for sensory play (to be honest, we threw alot of those away due to expiry! Should have kept it for them to play) - Playdoh, pipe cleaners, disposable utensils, craftsticks - the possibilities are abundance! - Books (bought her a few and all chunk to one side) - Puzzles - must find those cheap ones - DIY stuff e.g. bean bags - I love bean bags, we had a good 5- 10 mins play just with the small 5 stones I kept in my drawer. When she can jump, we can do more - like hop scrotch with bean bag toss, shuttle run, or some competition. I used to think those mini races our PE teachers made us do were so silly! Thinking back, it's so fun actually. and teachers used those to drain our energy. hahaha. So hopefully I get my lazy ass out of the bed/sofa and move it move it! Great websites: http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/967135/diy-collapsible-cardboard-playhouse http://www.playcreateexplore.org/2011/07/playdough-filled-balloons.html http://kidsactivitiesblog.com/281/tips-for-road-trips-with-toddlers-preschoolers http://www.somewhatsimple.com/build-monster-free-printable/ http://www.planetsforkids.org/ http://playfullearning.net/handmade-solar-system-in-a-box/?doing_wp_cron=1366280864.0046041011810302734375 http://onelittleproject.com/

Thursday, June 26, 2014

my ah mah said...

My ah mah is an awesome woman despite having a ill fate in marriage. She has ten kids (1 passed away when young). All 9 kids are very filial to her. I looked up to her teaching when it comes to guiding my own kid in life. Apart from filial piety, 8 of them earn their own keep to maintain their family while my youngest aunt marries a good man who are willing to provide for her. We are not super wealthy but most of us are very happy and at peace. Today my aunt said that my ah mah said "When your kids bring you out to eat, don't criticize and must say that the food is very good". A lot of golden words behind this simple action. When your kid bring you out to eat, it means: - he/she is willing to spend time, effort and money on you - he/she must be doing okay in life, not trying to make ends meet that kind. if he/she is struggling to make ends meet, means he/she is still willing to spend time, effort and money on you. When you said the food is good: - your kid feel happy that you like what they give you. they will feel more confident in their choice. - everyone is happy for different reasons. that's fine, you don't have to spend time investigating and voice out explicitly what makes you/he/she happy - there are more opportunities in the future that they will bring you along. So I would love to wait for a chance for my kid to bring me out. And definitely still continue to bring my parents out more often (though they always criticize on my choice :S)

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Happy Father's Day

Dear Papa,

Today is Father's Day and in honour of your day for the 2nd year being a father of two, we got mama to use her only energy to buy you a present! And we hope you like it. 

Thank you for your patience in us. Both of us. And loving mama. Pls don't say she lazy because she is trying very hard to make me which makes her really tired.

Yours only,
Arielle (14.5 months) and *no 2* (14 weeks in making)

Friday, May 16, 2014

Like like like!

My boss is such a blessed guy! 

The whole dept is helping to share the link which his two daughters joining coloring contests and garnering support. He is such a nice guy and I know we all clicking like not because he is our boss but because we love him and his family! 

So pls share this too if you like it!

Rachel and Becky joined a coloring contest for Mother's day. Feel free to click on the links below and like picture !

https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=691807960884327&id=165581946840267&set=pb.165581946840267.-2207520000.1400038696.&source=42

https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=691808187550971&id=165581946840267&set=pb.165581946840267.-2207520000.1400045748.&source=42

Contest end on Monday!! 

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Missing again

Wooh I checked. And my posts are now monthly instead of daily. My daily affairs are now in Dayre. Heh. 

Wonder if anyone still read this space. I bet my hub does *wave!!*

Nothing much in my life now. Just waiting. Again. 

Oh I have another niece since my last update. Lil Alva girl yo!
I went to visit her today. Visiting is like a weekly affair since my sis delivered coz we need to help buy some ingredients. Until hub quite buay tahan and asked when can we stop going over. I admit, it's really far in our dictionary.

But I am quite glad to do so because everytime I went, I kinda reaffirm that I won't need a confinement lady for no 2!!!

Like the week before, she just kept taking the baby away from me. I know it's her responsibility but since I am jaga-Ing the baby, I think I can handle, she can go do other things!

Then today I was carrying Alva like that.
And she nagged abit on how Alva should be sleeping on bed, not carried like that. It's not good for her blah blah blah. Hello! Skin to skin contact is one of the best way to bond! Since I hardly have a chance to come over, of course need to bond with my lil niece! And it helps baby regulate the breathing and of coz sleep better (that's for parents to do la, not auntie with niece). I seriously eye roll because these confinement lady kept on niaming one. I would love to hold my no 2 like that the same way I carried arielle to sleep. And I can't imagine having my confinement lady snatching away and said "no you are doing it all wrong". ������

This is the time I missed my baby sister because she will totally know how I feel and I can totally bitch with her abt this. Now I feel quite lonely without her.

Okay that's all I wanna rant haha. Now looking ard for confinement food to offload my mum abit for her cooking!! Would love to have her cooked but it will take a toil on her physically and mentally (to think of food to cook for me!). 

And we are getting a helper *throw confetti* don't know if we can take it though!! But I kinda look forward to a cleaner house!! I even feel like renovating abit and move over to a bigger room. But I really like my current room. It's so cosy and sentimental.