CNY is my favourite festive period but this year, I don't like it at all.
I have a new identity and is no longer a Ms, but a Mrs. I belong to his new family. Not that I don't like this identity but I guess I am just someone who don't like changes, thus this change is really depressing to me. Especially when my grandma is not around this year, I really dislike this change of identity.
I can no longer spend the CNY evening with my own family. My usual routine is relax in the morning, eat reunion lunch, go home and clean up my room, change my bedsheet, watch the show with my parents and all done before 12am.
This year is different, I am hectic in the morning because I need to bath Nana (because she need to go out and see pple), then go and eat lunch with my own family, eat dinner with my new family. My last min spring cleaning don't work this year. I broken my own tradition of years - I didn't manage to clean up my room or change a new set of bedsheet.
I know I am lucky, i have a doting hubby who didn't assign housechores to me except to clean up a room WHICH I didn't do. But still, I am upset because I just wanna rot my life away with my own family during this festive period and I cannot do that anymore.
I respect his ah mah who passed away, so I definitely wanna go and pay my respect on CNY day 1. But I prefer to do it earlier so that I have more time for my own family. I respect his ah gong, so I wanna go and have dinner with him. He asked if we are so busy because we were late for our reunion dinner. I felt really guilty over it! The reason for us being late is that I prefer to spend time with my own family.
My hubby is really nice because he give me permission to stay with my own family. But I know I cannot. And when his relative told me to come over earlier on CNY Day 1 because I cannot go out and visit other pple (because of my grandma passing away), I know my life don't belong to my family anymore. If I am supposed to be free, and when I am free, I should spend more time with his family.
I guess I just not used to it.
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Monday, January 23, 2012
Happy bday to me!
As usual, my mood was as random! I voiced out my concern to my husband and asked if we can restart! Anyway, I feel like I am acting in my own drama, started and ended the whole show without him contributing to his share of act.
It's over and how glad I am!
Except that I fell sick on Friday, the day I took my leave *SOB* so nothing was done except catching up on all my TV shows and sleep...! and of course thrashing out the differences with my husband.
And come Sat, he gave me my birthday present in the morning, a day before my actual bday to cheer me up. I thought of the gifts but this did caught me in surprise! :)
Canon S100!
I always wanted a better camera to bring out the photography interest in me.
----
I was typing the above when I gotten news of my grandma being admitted to A&E. The first thing that comes to my mind is "okay, I am on my way there, NOW!". and sure we did immediately despite we just reached home not too long and have not even bathed. I am secretly glad to have a supportive hubby who always do the correct thing at the correct critical time. Thanks baby.
We headed to KPTH and my mind was pretty much blank. Saw my cousin and we went straight to A&E. Saw my mum and the first thing she said was, "ah mah already in coma and cannot recognise pple". And ah mah was transferred to intensive care ward (from A&E and this means it has been quite a while before the news reached us). My aunt, who had been very close to my grandma was already in hysterical stage. The doctor said she had an internal bleeding in her stomach and required immediate surgery. They had informed a NUH doctor to come over for the surgery. An hour later, they let us see our grandma from a glass door away in the intensive care ward, with two person allowed to go in and see her. Ah mah still conscious and asking if she can be transferred to Mount Alvernia instead (she had her previous knee surgery there and had faith in the doctors in Mt A). We never thought that's the last time we saw her.
About 1pm, the doctor said must do surgery immediately. They wanted to use insertion method to mend the ruptured blood vessel but that's too time-consuming. Another 10 min, the doc came out to give some updates that there might not be enough blood pack in the blood bank (my grandma is O+) but even if we can donate, the tests are too time-consuming. Dunno what's the purpose of this update, except to make us all kanchiong!
At 1:27, they came out with a nonchalant face and said "she passed away" in a soft voice, we all went "HUH?" loudly and he repeated "she passed away already". I couldn't much forget how emotionless to the extent of too not-serious attitude the doctor is.
We went to see her body after they cleaned it up plus wait for my aunt to cool down. That took 2 hours I think? She looked like she is sleeping. And it's so strange, someone whom u know, lying there without any soul, gone just like that.
So we waited again, for them to inform the doctor and send to SGH mortuary to certify her dead. Super typical Singaporean scared of death attitude. The doctor wanted someone independent to sign on the death certificate. -_-'''
We waited til 4 plus for the police who asked us to wait til 8am for the Investigating Officer at SGH. The senior members all worried that she will be placed in "Fridge" or they will cut open her body for autopsy! Sigh.
anyway.... my ah mah, we really missed you lots. It's such a sudden unexpected move of yours. We love you. always do.
It's over and how glad I am!
Except that I fell sick on Friday, the day I took my leave *SOB* so nothing was done except catching up on all my TV shows and sleep...! and of course thrashing out the differences with my husband.
And come Sat, he gave me my birthday present in the morning, a day before my actual bday to cheer me up. I thought of the gifts but this did caught me in surprise! :)
Canon S100!
I always wanted a better camera to bring out the photography interest in me.
----
I was typing the above when I gotten news of my grandma being admitted to A&E. The first thing that comes to my mind is "okay, I am on my way there, NOW!". and sure we did immediately despite we just reached home not too long and have not even bathed. I am secretly glad to have a supportive hubby who always do the correct thing at the correct critical time. Thanks baby.
We headed to KPTH and my mind was pretty much blank. Saw my cousin and we went straight to A&E. Saw my mum and the first thing she said was, "ah mah already in coma and cannot recognise pple". And ah mah was transferred to intensive care ward (from A&E and this means it has been quite a while before the news reached us). My aunt, who had been very close to my grandma was already in hysterical stage. The doctor said she had an internal bleeding in her stomach and required immediate surgery. They had informed a NUH doctor to come over for the surgery. An hour later, they let us see our grandma from a glass door away in the intensive care ward, with two person allowed to go in and see her. Ah mah still conscious and asking if she can be transferred to Mount Alvernia instead (she had her previous knee surgery there and had faith in the doctors in Mt A). We never thought that's the last time we saw her.
About 1pm, the doctor said must do surgery immediately. They wanted to use insertion method to mend the ruptured blood vessel but that's too time-consuming. Another 10 min, the doc came out to give some updates that there might not be enough blood pack in the blood bank (my grandma is O+) but even if we can donate, the tests are too time-consuming. Dunno what's the purpose of this update, except to make us all kanchiong!
At 1:27, they came out with a nonchalant face and said "she passed away" in a soft voice, we all went "HUH?" loudly and he repeated "she passed away already". I couldn't much forget how emotionless to the extent of too not-serious attitude the doctor is.
We went to see her body after they cleaned it up plus wait for my aunt to cool down. That took 2 hours I think? She looked like she is sleeping. And it's so strange, someone whom u know, lying there without any soul, gone just like that.
So we waited again, for them to inform the doctor and send to SGH mortuary to certify her dead. Super typical Singaporean scared of death attitude. The doctor wanted someone independent to sign on the death certificate. -_-'''
We waited til 4 plus for the police who asked us to wait til 8am for the Investigating Officer at SGH. The senior members all worried that she will be placed in "Fridge" or they will cut open her body for autopsy! Sigh.
anyway.... my ah mah, we really missed you lots. It's such a sudden unexpected move of yours. We love you. always do.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
A year older a year wiser?
In 48 hours, I am going to grow a year older. Will I suddenly grow to be wiser?
The thing is I am not wiser, and I am not even happy at all. My husband and I are having cold war. I don't talk to him, so he don't talk to me. We don't talk to each other, all the awkward silence we had together for the last two days. I have absolutely no idea how to round this off, let alone how to spend the day happily together?
After 8+ plus together, I have "trained" him to become a slave, with no emotions. He cannot have any comments, wish or dreams, my wish is his command. I don't wish that to happen but yet I drove him into this.
But the truth is I vomit, I had fever, I sneezed like crazy, he don't give me any words of concern. He asked me where's the keys. I wish for a lil care, so I throw temper to grab his attention. All I gotten was "leave you alone and you will be fine soon". I wish to have breakfasts, lunches and dinners, even suppers with him, but he went to cook spaghetti and instant noodles for himself. I hope to go have coffee or chill out with him or just go somewhere interesting with him but he said "let's go home now". I tried to engage him into a conversation, he only said "orh". I tried to engage him into some intimacy, he said "let's go to sleep, it's late". I hope to get some support/encouragement when I was bearing the pain during facial, i gotten "tsk tsk tsk" instead. So I tried to leave him alone in hope that he will come back to me, but he left without looking back and had me looking for him instead. I tried to learn from experiences. I tried to nurse my own health, my depression and pessimism.
I told myself that I am simple but no I wasn't. Eventually I destroyed everything and made everything so tough. It all spun from the thought to make every day as perfect as possible when only 10% of the time is perfect. I should have count my blessing and appreciate that at least 10% of the time is perfect. But I didn't. I really hope everything can restart. Can that be my birthday wish?
My dear husband, if you are reading this, I know I have really bad temper and I salute to you for taking up this challenge for life. I hope you really understand deep from the bottom of your heart what I wish for you. I really wish that you are happy. I wish to spend time with you happily. I always tried to stand in your shoes but I really cannot fathom your thoughts at all. If you kept everything inside, I cannot use your logic to think. Yes, I appreciate that you are opening up. On contrary, you cannot use such angry tone to me everytime I am unhappy with you, two angry person won't solve the issue?
Must be some flu virus causing all the thoughts.
Anyway. I just wanna tell you: Good luck and all the best to your exam tomorrow!
The thing is I am not wiser, and I am not even happy at all. My husband and I are having cold war. I don't talk to him, so he don't talk to me. We don't talk to each other, all the awkward silence we had together for the last two days. I have absolutely no idea how to round this off, let alone how to spend the day happily together?
After 8+ plus together, I have "trained" him to become a slave, with no emotions. He cannot have any comments, wish or dreams, my wish is his command. I don't wish that to happen but yet I drove him into this.
But the truth is I vomit, I had fever, I sneezed like crazy, he don't give me any words of concern. He asked me where's the keys. I wish for a lil care, so I throw temper to grab his attention. All I gotten was "leave you alone and you will be fine soon". I wish to have breakfasts, lunches and dinners, even suppers with him, but he went to cook spaghetti and instant noodles for himself. I hope to go have coffee or chill out with him or just go somewhere interesting with him but he said "let's go home now". I tried to engage him into a conversation, he only said "orh". I tried to engage him into some intimacy, he said "let's go to sleep, it's late". I hope to get some support/encouragement when I was bearing the pain during facial, i gotten "tsk tsk tsk" instead. So I tried to leave him alone in hope that he will come back to me, but he left without looking back and had me looking for him instead. I tried to learn from experiences. I tried to nurse my own health, my depression and pessimism.
I told myself that I am simple but no I wasn't. Eventually I destroyed everything and made everything so tough. It all spun from the thought to make every day as perfect as possible when only 10% of the time is perfect. I should have count my blessing and appreciate that at least 10% of the time is perfect. But I didn't. I really hope everything can restart. Can that be my birthday wish?
My dear husband, if you are reading this, I know I have really bad temper and I salute to you for taking up this challenge for life. I hope you really understand deep from the bottom of your heart what I wish for you. I really wish that you are happy. I wish to spend time with you happily. I always tried to stand in your shoes but I really cannot fathom your thoughts at all. If you kept everything inside, I cannot use your logic to think. Yes, I appreciate that you are opening up. On contrary, you cannot use such angry tone to me everytime I am unhappy with you, two angry person won't solve the issue?
Must be some flu virus causing all the thoughts.
Anyway. I just wanna tell you: Good luck and all the best to your exam tomorrow!
Monday, January 2, 2012
New year resolution
After a good long break, time to set goals for the new year! :)
Better health
- Eat better: My indigestion problem coming back because of my over-indulgence. Have to stop all the unhealthy way of eating.
- Exercise more: We just walked our first 17 flights of stairs to healthier life. And the hot yoga studio is having promotions, awesomeness to start signing up and taking hot yoga classes; how I miss the aching body.
Better focus in work
Be more organised! Determine the things to accomplish every day and work towards it.
Better family life
Need to spend more time with my family, like organising family dinner once a month. Including walking Nana more! Better communication with my husband (which require his part). Also planning for a Jan 2013 baby. Have to walk
Better wealth management
Spend wisely. Develop goals.
The most impt of all, be happy! I just hate throwing tempers over small matter but I can't control. Forgotten that I have long given up and should learn to count my blessing instead of getting work up. I will work towards being happier and more positive.
Better health
- Eat better: My indigestion problem coming back because of my over-indulgence. Have to stop all the unhealthy way of eating.
- Exercise more: We just walked our first 17 flights of stairs to healthier life. And the hot yoga studio is having promotions, awesomeness to start signing up and taking hot yoga classes; how I miss the aching body.
Better focus in work
Be more organised! Determine the things to accomplish every day and work towards it.
Better family life
Need to spend more time with my family, like organising family dinner once a month. Including walking Nana more! Better communication with my husband (which require his part). Also planning for a Jan 2013 baby. Have to walk
Better wealth management
Spend wisely. Develop goals.
The most impt of all, be happy! I just hate throwing tempers over small matter but I can't control. Forgotten that I have long given up and should learn to count my blessing instead of getting work up. I will work towards being happier and more positive.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Happy 2011, welcome 2012
Tired but I must write my thoughts :)
2011 is coming to an end. It has been a year of mixed feeling because I am still upset over the death of my dearest sister, some depression felt towards the end of the year, some form of pre-marriage anxiety, time passed so fast and appeared overwhelming.
But it has been a fruitful year in terms of work and personal goals - I reached another milestone of my life, stop procrastinating by completing my hot yoga lessons, I had my own home, I learnt to count my blessing. Know what, when I was brushing teeth a few days back, I smiled to myself. Because it has been a wish to have hot water faucet in my toilet while I brushed my teeth. Silly as it sounds but it really warmed my heart with hot water in a cold night. My boyfriend, now my husband, actually fulfiled this little wish of mine.
And of course, I thanked my wonderful husband for being tolerant to my all sorts of nonsense. He helped me dealt with all the challenges I faced - big and small. Even household chores or cooking for nana, he done it because he knows I am always tired. And my mum, I am really appreciative of every little thing she done for me - one fine day, she brought me a packet of fishball noodles for my breakfast without me telling her when she came over to visit me plus to bring nana back home. And I love every moment I met up with my older sister, it's been tough to catch up with her on every random thing we talked about - from UFO to Qing dynasty to Arts. I also miss talking to my dad nowadays because I have moved out.
I read the horoscope, next year will be a even better year! I can't wait to start. :) How about you?
2011 is coming to an end. It has been a year of mixed feeling because I am still upset over the death of my dearest sister, some depression felt towards the end of the year, some form of pre-marriage anxiety, time passed so fast and appeared overwhelming.
But it has been a fruitful year in terms of work and personal goals - I reached another milestone of my life, stop procrastinating by completing my hot yoga lessons, I had my own home, I learnt to count my blessing. Know what, when I was brushing teeth a few days back, I smiled to myself. Because it has been a wish to have hot water faucet in my toilet while I brushed my teeth. Silly as it sounds but it really warmed my heart with hot water in a cold night. My boyfriend, now my husband, actually fulfiled this little wish of mine.
And of course, I thanked my wonderful husband for being tolerant to my all sorts of nonsense. He helped me dealt with all the challenges I faced - big and small. Even household chores or cooking for nana, he done it because he knows I am always tired. And my mum, I am really appreciative of every little thing she done for me - one fine day, she brought me a packet of fishball noodles for my breakfast without me telling her when she came over to visit me plus to bring nana back home. And I love every moment I met up with my older sister, it's been tough to catch up with her on every random thing we talked about - from UFO to Qing dynasty to Arts. I also miss talking to my dad nowadays because I have moved out.
I read the horoscope, next year will be a even better year! I can't wait to start. :) How about you?
Friday, December 23, 2011
梁静茹 暖暖 LYRICS
The cold office is driving me crazy.. this song warms me up a lil.. feel really blissful because some lyrics so apt to myself:
＊都可以 随便的 你说的 我都愿意去
小火车 摆动的旋律 （回憶裡滿足的旋律）
都可以 是真的 你说的 我都会相信
因为我 完全信任你
细腻的喜欢 毛毯般的厚重感
晒过太阳 熟悉的安全感
分享的汤 我们俩支汤匙一个碗
左心房 暖暖的好保暖
＃我想说其实你很好 你自己却不知道 （你不知道）
真心的对我好 不要求回报
爱一个人希望他过更好
他从心里暖暖的 你对自己更重要
REPEAT＊
细腻的喜欢 你手掌的厚实感
什么困难 都觉得有希望
我哼著歌 你自然的就接下一段
我知道 暖暖就在胸膛
REPEAT＃＃
我想说其实你很好 你自己却不知道
从来都很低调 自信心不高
爱一个人希望他过更好
他从心里暖暖的 你对自己更重要
REPEAT＊
我也希望變更好
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Me to you
I just hoped you can learnt from experiences instead of saying "I am sorry and I won't try to mess with it again".
I had tried to talk to you calmly already but you don't get it at all.
I had tried to talk to you calmly already but you don't get it at all.
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