Motherhood

Last night, I broke down and sobbed in silent. (The last time i broke down was ard week 8 when baby arielle had her growth spurt) I seek my hub's help to take care of the cranky baby at 5+am. Unbearable. Especially when the weather is so so good for sleeping and it's a Sunday. 

Babies, the cutest thing on earth, are also the scariest things! There are so many links warning parents-to-be to take precautions and mental preparations on that tough journey ahead. But it's beyond words to describe. I tried to make it lighter for my friends who are married or going to be parents who laughed it away. Well, you will only nod furiously in agreement when you are in that situation. 

Anyway. So yes. I am only 4 mths 3 weeks into this journey. Baby arielle is cranky! I suspect she is trying to kill me. My mum said she can sleep straight 2, 3 hours in the afternoon but when I am ard or taking care of her, she don't sleep or she cried at 5 mins, 30 mins and woke up 45 mins interval. Me or hub carries her ard, then cry for food. Repeat. 

I hardly done anything or can't watch a full movie. I am always thirsty and sleep deprived, food has no meaning but to give me energy. We no longer eat together at a table and we shout at each other when she cried in her cranky mood. Parenting drives people crazy, isn't it. I dunno how people manage alone. I am only glad I have my parents and friends helping out. So my hint to new parents - just get as much help and rest as much!

Post edit:

During 2 hours after writing the above, baby woke up (as usual after 45 mins) to torture me. But the joy came when she sat in her exersaucer in joy, exploring the toy and biting it. Her smile and joy made me temporarily forgotten her torture on me. Though shortly after she started fussing and I had to carry her and the pain on my arms reminded me again of those moments she inflicted pain on me. Are we sadist, yearning to be tortured by the little ones who laugh at us? I wonder. What a paradoxical relationship we had.