A year older a year wiser?

In 48 hours, I am going to grow a year older. Will I suddenly grow to be wiser?

The thing is I am not wiser, and I am not even happy at all. My husband and I are having cold war. I don't talk to him, so he don't talk to me. We don't talk to each other, all the awkward silence we had together for the last two days. I have absolutely no idea how to round this off, let alone how to spend the day happily together?

After 8+ plus together, I have "trained" him to become a slave, with no emotions. He cannot have any comments, wish or dreams, my wish is his command. I don't wish that to happen but yet I drove him into this.

But the truth is I vomit, I had fever, I sneezed like crazy, he don't give me any words of concern. He asked me where's the keys. I wish for a lil care, so I throw temper to grab his attention. All I gotten was "leave you alone and you will be fine soon". I wish to have breakfasts, lunches and dinners, even suppers with him, but he went to cook spaghetti and instant noodles for himself. I hope to go have coffee or chill out with him or just go somewhere interesting with him but he said "let's go home now". I tried to engage him into a conversation, he only said "orh". I tried to engage him into some intimacy, he said "let's go to sleep, it's late". I hope to get some support/encouragement when I was bearing the pain during facial, i gotten "tsk tsk tsk" instead. So I tried to leave him alone in hope that he will come back to me, but he left without looking back and had me looking for him instead. I tried to learn from experiences. I tried to nurse my own health, my depression and pessimism.

I told myself that I am simple but no I wasn't. Eventually I destroyed everything and made everything so tough. It all spun from the thought to make every day as perfect as possible when only 10% of the time is perfect. I should have count my blessing and appreciate that at least 10% of the time is perfect. But I didn't. I really hope everything can restart. Can that be my birthday wish?

My dear husband, if you are reading this, I know I have really bad temper and I salute to you for taking up this challenge for life. I hope you really understand deep from the bottom of your heart what I wish for you. I really wish that you are happy. I wish to spend time with you happily. I always tried to stand in your shoes but I really cannot fathom your thoughts at all. If you kept everything inside, I cannot use your logic to think. Yes, I appreciate that you are opening up. On contrary, you cannot use such angry tone to me everytime I am unhappy with you, two angry person won't solve the issue?

Must be some flu virus causing all the thoughts.

Anyway. I just wanna tell you: Good luck and all the best to your exam tomorrow!