First parenting argument and more to come

Tonight is the first time my hub and I shouted at each other because of lil baby.

Lil baby cried super damn long and loud and we couldn't figure why. She had just eaten less than 1.5 hours ago, I latched her she suckled for a while and cried and nothing stopped her. Well, she stopped for a while and I asked hub to change the sarong because it was wet and perhaps made her uncomfy. Then hub fidgeted and gave up because he didn't know how to hang the sarong back to the swing. Oh well, so he wanted me to pass the baby to him so that I can fix the sarong. I afraid once I moved lil baby, she will start crying, but nevertheless, I have to do that else who do right? True enough, she started crying and she cried even louder. My hub carried her and walked out of the room and everywhere in the house. That's okay on normal days but my mum was real tired so I really don't wanna disturb her. So I shouted at him to keep his movement within the room after I warmed up the breastmilk.

So I wanted to give her breastmilk to fill her up. But hub shouted at me to just make formula which is faster. I have my reasons as well, 1stly she got stomach issue - everynight happens the same - feed, cried, vomit so bm is easier to digest; 2ndly, I am trying to do total breastfeeding, I have been on partial and the vicious cycle is - feed formula = didn't tell the body to produce enough = feed more formula. And this two days I have managed to up my supply with a few bottles to spare. 3rdly, lil baby had been wiping her face, as if she is itchy. I am trying to find out if it's the formula causing this. If it still continue with total breastfeeding, I would have done other ways - give her only formula or eliminate dairy from my food.

Unfortunately time is too short for me to explain all this to my hub. The crying made both of us really frustrated and frustrated with each other too.

That's so sad. I am pretty sure there are more to come..

And I really wonder how I went through the last 8 weeks. It's really getting tougher to a point that I wonder why make my life so tough. I mean lil baby has been great but at night, we went through drama from 9pm to 2am. EVERY NIGHT.

Then have to wake up for feeding almost every 3 hours. In between, I have to pump, wash up and sterilise the equipment, make sure I boil water so that I have water to drink, check bill and pay, take med religiously and eat enough and shower. Well, things just don't miraculously appear right. My mum helped to rock her to sleep and feed her at times I need to pump, but I also tried as much as I can to lighten my mum's load in any way I can. And lil baby slept in blocks of 5 mins, keep stirring and need someone to be constantly ard her despite we have the automatic swing.

Frankly speaking, I am really tired. My body ached everywhere, my back and shoulder I suspected had rotten and I can never walk straight again. My dog stalked me and I have no time for her too. On top of that, my colleagues chased me for this backlog which I absolutely have no time to look at. There were once I gave up and let others deal with lil baby while I slept. then the next day, I read up alot to keep myself hype up - yes, the fussiness is normal and it will go away with time, pq hang on! But I am tired again. I dread night time. I am now used to sleep short hours but I do miss sleeping for full 8 hours. I miss my moomoo which I hug to sleep (we kept it away as baby co-sleeps with us at night).

Now I know why people just want to have 1 kid. I myself who wanna have 5 is reconsidering this option at times. how to go through this drama 5 times x many years? Sometimes I do think it's possible and feels pretty excited to have my next one though. Let's see when this drama ends!