Of random thoughts

I feel very zombified today.

Drank coffee - doesn't help. and even knocked my hand hard on the pantry cabinet handle when I walked past. OUCH. But it didn't wake me up either. I feel so tired and I hate it! It's worse when I can't doze off and catnap. and worse with my pillow being too low (and led to neck pain everyday). It's a mental torment.

I feel cold and tired most of the time. Sometimes I wish that the doctor will tell me that I have some disease that led to this. At least there is a reason behind. I know I have some viral infection a few months back but it's supposed to be gone already!

Just last Thurs, I can feel myself literally breaking apart. Like I can't go on with work and life anymore. Thank god that lasted for a night and *poof* gone.

*okay I just caused a disaster to my sister's room and broke her vase. all because I am sooo tired! :(
I hated myself alot for whining. I am not strong enough to put up a brave front. I salute to my sister for standing strong. I wish I have her courage. But to pretend I am good and write optimistic things in my own space, I think it will be crap too. Sigh. I am just a human, and I have my weak side too.

And everyday, I fake my smile and optimism in front of alot of people. In fact most of the time, I wish I am hiding in my wardrobe. If I were my boyfriend, I would probably kill this woman! Thanks honey, for being there for me.

I love it when my mood is awesome (I bet my family love it too!). A good thing is I have a great mood 80% of this month. Love is in the air.

Nevertheless, I believe I will be able to rise to the occassion if anything big happens. Cheers to a better life. I will wake up soon!!!

* And I just realised this post is written not because I am depressed! It's because I feel sick!! double :(( I am totally lost in my world. don't know what am I writing anymore. better go and sleep soon!