upset

Since young, I am someone with no preferences and expectation. So I am quiet too. Life is simpler then. There was no need to request, bargain or complain. Because I don't expect people to take advantage of me because I am not going to take advantage of them.

When I grow up, I am trained by everyone around me. my friends, my sisters and those sales people.

There was once I bought a top from ThisFashion. I never checked, trusting that the salesgirl gave me a new piece in good quality of course. I went back and it actually had a big hole. I went back and asked her to change. I was polite but that woman accused me. She said they won't possibly sell me something like this and hinted must be me who made that big hole. I am like, "wtf, you think I very free to come all the way down from Yishun to TPY just to change this $10 thing?". I was alone too. In the end, I shouted something and walked out damn angry. I quickly went to the mcdonald's washroom. I was so angry that I cried.

I started to learn to protect myself. I start to have expectations. I start to hate people for taking advantages of me. If there must be sacrifices, I am not going to be that fool.

But I hate myself. I am not quick-witted. Everytime I was thrown with an argument, I will stammer. And I need someone like my sisters, cousins to be around. BUT I ALWAYS LAND MYSELF INTO SITUATIONS WHERE I DON'T HAVE THESE PEOPLE AROUND.

Like when I was being scolded by my neighbour or the sales promoter at northpoint, no one is there to help. And today, I went to Courts with three other people, NO ONE HELP ME OUT. Not even Mr Tan. He always leave me to fend on my own.

I am just a like childish stupid idiot who tried to request for a change in mattress. My ah ma even tell the person I am just throwing a kid's temper -_-'''

Up to now, I cannot control my anger. Everytime I am very angry, I will cry. today is the same.