That kid of mine

That kid of mine is constantly moving. 

Teacher said to my mum, "I need to carry her. Once I let her down, she run around. She is hyperactive"

Say what? Hyperactive?

I am glad I am a calm mama. I didn't freak out and start sending her for tests. I do have some moments throughout the two years that I felt she might be hyperactive but I believe she is not.

In fact I looked at other kids in her class and find it really strange that they are not as active or as excited as her. She becomes the odd one out.

I am worried. I scared the school changes her personality and makes me lose this cute girl of mine!

Recently I bring her out more often. We went swimming and playground. Made her stop watching tv because she laid on the floor to watch tv. I think she needs a lot of outlets for her busting energies. Not because she is a hyperactive kid but she IS a toddler!

I don't control her now but let her run in the malls or shops or swimming pool (but I only go during off peak hours).

Not sure how I can do that after I start work. But I kinda look forward to no 2's growth. That's when they both can help dispel each other's energy hehehe *evil*

I used to look at the kids in disapproval, I repent now. Sorry dudes. Go run wild, you need it!

Last few days of 2014

Ohaiyo! The last I updated my blog was Sept. Gosh. It's been so long. I am updating Dayre coz it's easier. Then again it only allows updating of thoughts in bite size.

So in the last few days of 2014, I need to update this space so that I can read this when I am free!!

1) I didn't have a good start to my motherhood just minutes postpartum 

I started my 2nd motherhood 11 days into the last month of the year. It's actually daunting. My delivery went well but minutes post delivery, I had excessive bleeding. It freaked out the nurses taking care of me, quickly called my Gynae (luckily his clinic was just downstairs) and off to the operating theatre we go for a d&c! Waking up from GA, it was horrible coz they tubed me and the nurse was holding me when I woke up. I tried to struggle but no one noticed I woke up. I almost thought I am gg to die.

When my Gynae recounted the incident, he said thank god I am okay. I only know I could have lose my uterus when I visited him for a checkup after the whole thing. 

Oh well, I don't have a good start but what can be worst!

2) I have 2 babies now

I am still in my confinement period and its hell emotional for me. Now that I have 2, I can't help but regret that one is so much easier to take care. My no 1 climb up and down everywhere (including just beside me) when I bf no 2. My attention and alert mode are 200% on both of them. 

We gg to move back to Punggol for a while and my parents are not coming with us as they need to take care of their house. So finger crossed. I am sure i can survive but its a matter of how well.

3) we had a lot of quarrels and I hope 2015 is happier!

The whole 2014 is quarrelsome. My hub who felt that his voices need to be heard decided this is the year to do so. 

Not saying he can't but there can be more amicable ways to solve things. The situation especially worsened with my pregnancy and confinement. 

I only wish 2015 is happier and more positive, cheers to harmony!

So wake us up when it's 2015!!

Talent or skill? Or merely perception?

Was talking to my mentor about some disatisfaction about pay differences. So he commented "oh, if its between you and her, she is better than you". Oh well thank you. You spoiled my entire Monday evening. 

But suddenly I was inspired, despite feeling very demoralized. I feel that I can be the top if I want to. Not what he said about me being the less capable one. It still does hurt when you heard it from someone that you are less capable. But I have grew up old enough to understand that I can choose not to listen to him and continue to believe in myself. 

Now that I am nurturing my kid(s), I also wonder why do I even think that I can achieve the unachievables? I have never believe I am not talented in anyway, I only choose not to work for it. 

And happened to read this article: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5826816

It's also how my parents inculcate such values in us - to teach us to work for what we want. 

I will impart this to my daughter(s) too! Teach them how to fish and not give them give. Tell them if they want to, they can even find a Dolphin when they fish!

Married a task oriented person

We had a big fight over minor things. It gotten so escalated nowadays (plus pregnancy hormones raving) i bluntly told my hub: "if you ain't happy at all, I will prepare the divorce letter". Sorry we are passed that honeymoon period long ago!

And I really give up communicating my ideas to him. Yet the reality is we won't divorce. I will recalibrate myself while he totally forgotten about everything and life moves on. It sucks, really. Because the same thing will then repeat like a vicious cycle.

Suddenly "lightbulb". To recalibrate myself, I need to understand him more. It does sound quite fml because why can't he do the same. The truth is he will never because he is more task-oriented. So I tried to google for something like that. This is the closest I found: http://recoveringengineer.com/disc-model/better-relationship-tips-for-task-oriented-people-redefine-your-task/ more from his perspective. 

There are times I am still very confused about him eg: are marriage and having kids just tasks off his checklist?

I was very puzzled for the longest time. Before wedding, I told him to think carefully if he just need a wedding or he wanna marry me. That's the biggest difference because if he just need a wedding, he can find any woman to do so. In the end we went ahead. But on the day of marriage, I saw sparkles in his eyes with affirmation. That's when I confirmed he wanna marry me. Oh well, have to remind myself again.

Down the route of marriage, I found myself confused again and again because of his task-oriented trait and I hardly see that sparks in his eyes again.

During 2nd pregnancy (which is now), I feel confused again because I don't even know if he just want kids or having this noble idea of procreation. Even with no 1, he completes tasks with her. But I have to remind myself about the times they spent together playing lego. That's when I really confirmed his happiness with arielle. Other times are just task oriented.

So to manage the relationship, I am listing the tips to keep myself sane:

1. Just keep believing that you are the one

It's like so thick skinned but that's the only way to keep yourself going. 

2. Don't expect him to remember tasks

The frustration comes when you have to keep reminding him to do certain tasks ALTHOUGH he is task-oriented. Task oriented doesn't mean he has a checklist in his mind. This could be a man's thing though.

3. Give him tasks and ignore his whines

This could be another man's thing but just don't take it to heart. Woman usually read into it and start bitching.

eath*

4. Treat his comments like tasks

We were bitching about men in front of 2 husbands and one of them said quarreling is a discussion not argument. But to us woman, its a quarrel! 

3 & 4 are connected. Very small example is turning on the aircon daily. He sees that as a task but I am so frustrated because I feel so cold every night. Being a woman and more people-oriented, I suck it up and don't speak about it. To me that's demonstrating love and respect for him. But I also silently feel damn pissed off because he don't think from my shoes! But to him he will say "if you are cold just turn it off". If things can be so easy, mister *take a deep br

So to woman who is seeking for a sane mind, here you go. Pls don't get too upset. My tears is dried. And I typed my piece so that my husband can read it tomorrow. 

As I typed, my husband is snoring in his sleep for the last 45 mins. I can't understand at all, how can he sleep so peacefully! Wtf! So I read what I wrote again. 

To my husband, you may think it's a minor thing but to me this is huge. There will come a day I can't recalibrate my mind and decide to give up. Same for you, you may give up hearing my shouting and argument of which you find them uncalled for. That's when people give up and divorced. 

While I do my part to recalibrate myself again and again, I hope you spend time to understand me, my personally and the situation we are in. Instead of shutting down and say "okay I won't comment anymore" because that's not solving our problems. 

New resolution!

I am a terrible mum and I suddenly self-reflected... erm... after 17.5 months. oops. it's kinda late but I guess the maternity instincts always rave during pregnancy. So I am looking for tons of ideas for the kids - we have a couple now and it kinda make sense to start making toys. maybe next week when the 8 year old comes to my house during her school holidays, I will get her to help too! A couple of things we can do: - Sensory and bean bags with alphabets, numbers, shapes - Busy/quiet boxes filled with toys - Road trip bags My girl is terrible when it comes with car seat. Either she struggled or I will gave her iphone/ipad to keep her entertained. I am feeling so exhausted now to fight with her to keep her in. Craft materials: - Cotton bud sticks and cotton balls (just nice, we bought plenty and don't know what to do with it) - Cardboards (we had some from purchasing boxes of diapers and it's a pity to dump them away!) - Balloons - saw the play doh balloon and hoping no one throw away the balloon Arielle just bought! - Oats, flour, rice, beans for sensory play (to be honest, we threw alot of those away due to expiry! Should have kept it for them to play) - Playdoh, pipe cleaners, disposable utensils, craftsticks - the possibilities are abundance! - Books (bought her a few and all chunk to one side) - Puzzles - must find those cheap ones - DIY stuff e.g. bean bags - I love bean bags, we had a good 5- 10 mins play just with the small 5 stones I kept in my drawer. When she can jump, we can do more - like hop scrotch with bean bag toss, shuttle run, or some competition. I used to think those mini races our PE teachers made us do were so silly! Thinking back, it's so fun actually. and teachers used those to drain our energy. hahaha. So hopefully I get my lazy ass out of the bed/sofa and move it move it! Great websites: http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/967135/diy-collapsible-cardboard-playhouse http://www.playcreateexplore.org/2011/07/playdough-filled-balloons.html http://kidsactivitiesblog.com/281/tips-for-road-trips-with-toddlers-preschoolers http://www.somewhatsimple.com/build-monster-free-printable/ http://www.planetsforkids.org/ http://playfullearning.net/handmade-solar-system-in-a-box/?doing_wp_cron=1366280864.0046041011810302734375 http://onelittleproject.com/

my ah mah said...

My ah mah is an awesome woman despite having a ill fate in marriage. She has ten kids (1 passed away when young). All 9 kids are very filial to her. I looked up to her teaching when it comes to guiding my own kid in life. Apart from filial piety, 8 of them earn their own keep to maintain their family while my youngest aunt marries a good man who are willing to provide for her. We are not super wealthy but most of us are very happy and at peace. Today my aunt said that my ah mah said "When your kids bring you out to eat, don't criticize and must say that the food is very good". A lot of golden words behind this simple action. When your kid bring you out to eat, it means: - he/she is willing to spend time, effort and money on you - he/she must be doing okay in life, not trying to make ends meet that kind. if he/she is struggling to make ends meet, means he/she is still willing to spend time, effort and money on you. When you said the food is good: - your kid feel happy that you like what they give you. they will feel more confident in their choice. - everyone is happy for different reasons. that's fine, you don't have to spend time investigating and voice out explicitly what makes you/he/she happy - there are more opportunities in the future that they will bring you along. So I would love to wait for a chance for my kid to bring me out. And definitely still continue to bring my parents out more often (though they always criticize on my choice :S)

Happy Father's Day

Dear Papa,

Today is Father's Day and in honour of your day for the 2nd year being a father of two, we got mama to use her only energy to buy you a present! And we hope you like it. 

Thank you for your patience in us. Both of us. And loving mama. Pls don't say she lazy because she is trying very hard to make me which makes her really tired.

Yours only,

Arielle (14.5 months) and *no 2* (14 weeks in making)

Like like like!

My boss is such a blessed guy! 

The whole dept is helping to share the link which his two daughters joining coloring contests and garnering support. He is such a nice guy and I know we all clicking like not because he is our boss but because we love him and his family! 

So pls share this too if you like it!

Rachel and Becky joined a coloring contest for Mother's day. Feel free to click on the links below and like picture !

https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=691807960884327&id=165581946840267&set=pb.165581946840267.-2207520000.1400038696.&source=42

https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=691808187550971&id=165581946840267&set=pb.165581946840267.-2207520000.1400045748.&source=42

Contest end on Monday!! 

Missing again

Wooh I checked. And my posts are now monthly instead of daily. My daily affairs are now in Dayre. Heh. 

Wonder if anyone still read this space. I bet my hub does *wave!!*

Nothing much in my life now. Just waiting. Again. 

Oh I have another niece since my last update. Lil Alva girl yo!

I went to visit her today. Visiting is like a weekly affair since my sis delivered coz we need to help buy some ingredients. Until hub quite buay tahan and asked when can we stop going over. I admit, it's really far in our dictionary.

But I am quite glad to do so because everytime I went, I kinda reaffirm that I won't need a confinement lady for no 2!!!

Like the week before, she just kept taking the baby away from me. I know it's her responsibility but since I am jaga-Ing the baby, I think I can handle, she can go do other things!

Then today I was carrying Alva like that.

And she nagged abit on how Alva should be sleeping on bed, not carried like that. It's not good for her blah blah blah. Hello! Skin to skin contact is one of the best way to bond! Since I hardly have a chance to come over, of course need to bond with my lil niece! And it helps baby regulate the breathing and of coz sleep better (that's for parents to do la, not auntie with niece). I seriously eye roll because these confinement lady kept on niaming one. I would love to hold my no 2 like that the same way I carried arielle to sleep. And I can't imagine having my confinement lady snatching away and said "no you are doing it all wrong". 😒😒😒

This is the time I missed my baby sister because she will totally know how I feel and I can totally bitch with her abt this. Now I feel quite lonely without her.

Okay that's all I wanna rant haha. Now looking ard for confinement food to offload my mum abit for her cooking!! Would love to have her cooked but it will take a toil on her physically and mentally (to think of food to cook for me!). 

And we are getting a helper *throw confetti* don't know if we can take it though!! But I kinda look forward to a cleaner house!! I even feel like renovating abit and move over to a bigger room. But I really like my current room. It's so cosy and sentimental. 

Life and absence of life

My colleague was sharing with me about her cousin who just discovered a tumor below her brain and need to go through a major ops.  The ops will damage her facial tissues and veins, leaving her face half paralyses. This is her 2nd op within 10 years. To add to the situation, her mum is currently a cancer patient - bone and lung. Her dad had passed away but she had just re-married to a German guy. 

What a heart breaking true story early in the morning. 

I remembered that time when the doctor informed us that my sis's left hand might be amputated. So I kept asking the doctor is there a possibility to keep her hand or what can we do after the surgery? Can we install a fake hand or what? But the surgeon roared at us and said "we are trying to keep her life here." I was so upset for my sis that I cried out. Guys don't get it. Beauty is so important to woman! The stares and finger pointing at a woman's flaws surely and easily land one into depression, no matter how strong the woman is.

The next thing I remembered was how unfortunate my sis was. We fell into the unlucky minority where the statistic showed remote probability of having the virus spread and grow after the surgery. It landed us into agony, sadness, frustration and anger. 

We have tons of questions that no one can answer. Where is miracle? What is this crap about god  (no matter which religion) bestow kindness to whoever do good? Why should we trust the unknown power when all we were given is nothing but false hopes over and over again? 

Well, now I am okay. No more disgruntlement over anything. Peaceful. Maybe that's her life, to bring us joy in the short time she had with us. 

Yet can't help but feel pretty affected when we hear stories like that. 

Keep the hopes high, no matter what you do.

The big one!

My girl turned big one two days ago!

It's been a journey, long and short. 

I read through some mums blog who wrote about breastfeeding and I kinda regret not blogging more. 

I have absolutely no idea how I went through the breastfeeding period! I only remembered I was very very sleep deprived. Until I went crazy at around week 9 and I asked my hubby and mum to take away the baby. Nah, I was not really turning mentally ill and abusive. It's just... Overwhelming. Because I tried to do more and do it by myself. It's my baby afterall. I ended up not well rested and a very lousy body in the end. 

I was and is still very blessed though!! I hardly need to do household chores or cook. I even can ask my mum or hub to buy food for me. I just wonder why I am so so tired everyday. Need to buck up. 

Anyway, long story cut short, it's been a journey. But the journey had not ended. I am not sure if I am ready for no 2 although there are plans for it. But one thing for sure - we love you little arielle!

Arielle first birthday party!

Shit u blogger app! I finished typing and it hang! Wtf

------

Just done with Arielle's first birthday party! We held it on the Sunday before the actual day. 

It was great!

All our vendors are awesome and set up everything before 12pm which kinda shocked us a little as we thought it is too early. 

But it turned out to be great move! 

People started coming at 12pm and can start to eat. 

Grabbed arielle to go back shower by 1130. 

My awesome hubby set up everything including balloons.

The little corner we set up was great!

We initially almost engaged a lady to help us do up the place and prepare cake and some small snacks. But because we had some constraints, we ended up trying to do up ourselves. It's a little more tiring but I think the results is great, better than what I imagined it to be. I can't even thought how I can do it better.

Perhaps an external vendor might make it really pretty but what we came out with is really good enough for me. It's like maybe we can afford and pay for international buffet but we are really happy with just ala carte dishes.

We found a cloth with sequins like fish scale and it's pink! Perfect. The size was awkward but we just made do with what we had. 

Then just placed everything on the table

And what is more apt than putting her album showing the differences between her current and when she was less than a year?

The push cake pops were also a big hit among kids. Great tool to interact with the kids!

The stickers were pretty!

I even took pain to arrange the straws to an A. Although no one notice. But my hub said he appreciate! Hehe

Cake cutting was a lil awkward. My hub threw away the box with the candle and knife. So he left to get a knife. So the crowd started singing the chinese birthday song. But we actually practiced with English one. So left me with the blur blur girl. 

Need to do a ritual for her to step on the kueh also. Failed terribly. 

And presents!

And one of the awesome one:

Thanks for all the love for this little girl!

Vendors:

🔸YLS Catering

🔸Simply Buffet

🔸Balloons from Kidz Party Store

🔸Cake from A Little Cake Shoppe 

🔸Push Cake Pops Singapore

🔸PS I love you photography 

🔸decorations from spotlight and various party supplies store from bugis

🔸toilets from Porta Plumber, best in town!

Start of 2014

*poof* 2013 ended and welcome 2014! Super wowed, nothing change, just the end of a 24 hour day and it's like we passed a year and crossed over an imaginary line to the next year. 

2013 is significant to me. Perhaps the biggest change! 

Jan I was still celebrating my bday. Feb I had a major emotion breakdown during CNY and cried for like 3 days! Mar I delivered a baby!

Then subsequent months are quite blank because I was handling the baby (with help though) and life is overwhelming.

And this ended my 2013!

Having a baby as comparison makes you age really fast! But it's still an amazing journey so far.

2014 is gg to pass even faster I am sure. But hope it's gg to be awesome!

Simple life!

Life is good today. No client or fire to fight. 

We woke up to do marketing for dinner, being inspired by 3+1! It's a dangerous show because it's on fri, so sat can test it out! Hah. So after fine tuning and changing, here's what was present:

- double fish tomato carrot soup

- Rojak pork chop with green apple salsa

- steamed marshed tofu chestnut prawn with enoki mushroom

- stir fry blanched long beans

We ended buying too much and went over budget too because the fishes (head and slices) are already $20. Quite shocked because we wanted to use fish bones but the fishmonger don't have bones anymore. Price aside, the fishes are fresh and make the soup less fishy, but I used too much water and end up too diluted.

The rojak pork chop was a twist because I changed from pineapple to green apple for my preg friend. Nevertheless it tasted pretty good except pork chop wasn't pan fried good enough. 

Tofu was surprising a hit! But long beans are just too much to finish. 

Still have some raw ingredients in my fridge I dunno how!

Baby was quite cooperative and slept from 1pm to 4pm. I manage to do 70% of the prep and cook! I am also the one who brought her to class. 

*feeling accomplished!*

Dayre

I am blogging at dayre instead because blogging in bitsizes seems easier in view of my commitment to work and baby! 

I hope to continue to all my social media accounts - Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and now dayre.

It's always good when I started to go back to my documented memories and read. Most of the time it surprised me a lot! The way I wrote things and how I feel didn't sound like the current me.

Recently my cousin and wife are on the verge of separating their ways. I tried to listen, and help. I don't advise but I sit on the fence. There is really no right or wrong in a relationship. But my hub provided new insights to me (boy, how glad I am to hear him analyzing to me, I hope we have more such conversation!). From my cousin's situation, I feel that I am so blessed. I found someone who didn't abandon me when it gets tough to understand me. He silently stood by me and waited for my recovery! 

Thank you hubby!

I hope you like this little present that seems "useless" in your situation. I can do nothing much for you but I just hope you love this little surprise that I kept the secret in agony for a week plus from ordering to ship to receiving!

A working mum

Taking a mini break while my chub is taking a nap. Seems so long to take a breather. For someone so lazy like me, motherhood itself is a challenge, I am not even taking charge of household chores!

I am fortunate. I know and I am really thankful for it. I wish I have more energy. Yesterday I complaint to my mum (again) that I feel so tired. She shut me up and say "everyone is tired". For that moment, I feel that my mum really hate me coz I done nothing much to contribute, sometimes even messing up and need her and my hub to clean up. working hard to earn money suddenly doesn't matter anymore. Working hard to pump milk doesn't mean anything because they think milk powder is easy - well, at least the schedule using milk powder compared to latching without consistency is easier to control.

In life, it's always the small things that matter. 

I am trying to imagine life if I am not working. Will I be so hardworking like my mum? Keeping house spick and span, plus take care and teach the kid(s) plus cook plus laundry, pushing the limit of aching arms and body? Suddenly, working seems easier. 

He-guru 2!

I delegated the job to my hub this week! 

And so.. I waited anxiously for at least 20 mins before I know it will turn out fine.. Hehehe. Even my mum said quickly go and see. throw the person into sea and you might get a surprise! I am pleasantly surprised today.

Good job darlings! I am so proud of both of you.. 

Arielle shag out after class and milk

Baby first class!

We finally started heguru class! Had signed up for it months ago. 

So I was assigned by my hub to accompany lil chub to the class (so that he will have an hour of freedom). We were 5 mins late, class had started. There were 7-8 babies with their parent. I find it a lil squeezy though. Not knowing what to expect, I was thrown into a fast paced learning environment. 

We did a lot of things within an hour, until I myself was pretty exhausted. It seemed like a training to develop my brain. Arielle was not looking throughout the session. Maybe too young. Some babies concentrated for certain parts of the training. 

So that pretty much ended our first class. I don't think we will practice at home. How to do that fast paced thing?!? 

I am sending my hub in for the next class and chill at Starbucks!

Joined that q again!

Being that siao on again, we registered and attended that launch! Yes, again! Good job, Singtel this year! We were in the last slot and no queue at all. We collected and paid in 5 mins. Last year I chose a black beauty. The color is very sexy I felt. But even the sexiest lady don't look good with bruises all over the body. My black beauty looked very worn, with the black scaffing problem. So this year, I went back to white. The gold looks very nice. In real life, it's not those obiang gold. But if it's more rose gold, I will love it even more! Haha. The hype is dying actually. Was having dilemma if we should sell the phone for quick bucks. If only I can find that guy offering $1.8k! Haha. We did have a guy offering 1.6k but in the end we didn't sell. Oh well. Thanks hubby! For spending all the time with me to wait for that decision and for sacrificing your line yet again!

midautumn...?

Today is the day for reunion, joy, happyfamily, but I feel #foreveralone.. wanna ask friends out for lunch, couldn't find any. i don't have many to begin with. health wise, having all sorts of "friends" visiting me work, that mountain of uncleared work. *shiver* home wise, hubby angry with mum for leaving daughter at void deck with neighbours and disappear. i am not angry with anyone, my hubby has his valid concern. I am very worried too but that's my mum, she must have done her risk assessment and passed arielle to a person she can relied upon. She is the Grandma, definitely won't want anything bad to happen to her granddaughter right. the only reunion is me with my cup noodles. Junk food can help alleviate some pain I hope. I know I will get better, stronger, happier. I just have to hang on. maybe next mid-autumn festival I won't feel so lonely anymore.