We had a big fight over minor things. It gotten so escalated nowadays (plus pregnancy hormones raving) i bluntly told my hub: "if you ain't happy at all, I will prepare the divorce letter". Sorry we are passed that honeymoon period long ago!
And I really give up communicating my ideas to him. Yet the reality is we won't divorce. I will recalibrate myself while he totally forgotten about everything and life moves on. It sucks, really. Because the same thing will then repeat like a vicious cycle.
Suddenly "lightbulb". To recalibrate myself, I need to understand him more. It does sound quite fml because why can't he do the same. The truth is he will never because he is more task-oriented. So I tried to google for something like that. This is the closest I found: http://recoveringengineer.com/disc-model/better-relationship-tips-for-task-oriented-people-redefine-your-task/ more from his perspective.
There are times I am still very confused about him eg: are marriage and having kids just tasks off his checklist?
I was very puzzled for the longest time. Before wedding, I told him to think carefully if he just need a wedding or he wanna marry me. That's the biggest difference because if he just need a wedding, he can find any woman to do so. In the end we went ahead. But on the day of marriage, I saw sparkles in his eyes with affirmation. That's when I confirmed he wanna marry me. Oh well, have to remind myself again.
Down the route of marriage, I found myself confused again and again because of his task-oriented trait and I hardly see that sparks in his eyes again.
During 2nd pregnancy (which is now), I feel confused again because I don't even know if he just want kids or having this noble idea of procreation. Even with no 1, he completes tasks with her. But I have to remind myself about the times they spent together playing lego. That's when I really confirmed his happiness with arielle. Other times are just task oriented.
So to manage the relationship, I am listing the tips to keep myself sane:
1. Just keep believing that you are the one
It's like so thick skinned but that's the only way to keep yourself going.
2. Don't expect him to remember tasks
The frustration comes when you have to keep reminding him to do certain tasks ALTHOUGH he is task-oriented. Task oriented doesn't mean he has a checklist in his mind. This could be a man's thing though.
3. Give him tasks and ignore his whines
This could be another man's thing but just don't take it to heart. Woman usually read into it and start bitching.
eath*
4. Treat his comments like tasks
We were bitching about men in front of 2 husbands and one of them said quarreling is a discussion not argument. But to us woman, its a quarrel!
3 & 4 are connected. Very small example is turning on the aircon daily. He sees that as a task but I am so frustrated because I feel so cold every night. Being a woman and more people-oriented, I suck it up and don't speak about it. To me that's demonstrating love and respect for him. But I also silently feel damn pissed off because he don't think from my shoes! But to him he will say "if you are cold just turn it off". If things can be so easy, mister *take a deep br
So to woman who is seeking for a sane mind, here you go. Pls don't get too upset. My tears is dried. And I typed my piece so that my husband can read it tomorrow.
As I typed, my husband is snoring in his sleep for the last 45 mins. I can't understand at all, how can he sleep so peacefully! Wtf! So I read what I wrote again.
To my husband, you may think it's a minor thing but to me this is huge. There will come a day I can't recalibrate my mind and decide to give up. Same for you, you may give up hearing my shouting and argument of which you find them uncalled for. That's when people give up and divorced.
While I do my part to recalibrate myself again and again, I hope you spend time to understand me, my personally and the situation we are in. Instead of shutting down and say "okay I won't comment anymore" because that's not solving our problems.
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